Hiking

I went for a hike yesterday out at a local state park.

The thing about hiking is, I'm not naturally a hiker. I mean, I enjoy it. I'm so glad that my sister asked me to go and that I made it part of my plan for the weekend. But, I wouldn't have been making that MY plan. "Hey, I wanna go for a 3+ hour ramble through the woods and prairie, hiking around the trails while being careful to avoid animal scat and chugging up gravel embankments!", is not typically the first thing I say when I have some free time to fill up.

Yes, I enjoy beauty and nature is life-giving. I'm an endurance event gal and the physical exertion fills the"challenge successfully met" tank for sure. Even though the day was gray, the air was fresh and just the right amount of pungent scent wafted up from the damp earth on the occasional gust of wind. It was wonderful.

I came home joy-filled and revived.

But it certainly got me thinking. Why does it often take such effort to build momentum that moves me into the activities that leave me joy-filled and revived? What are the mental hurdles that I don't seem to clear and why?

The process goes something like this:
Me: "You've got some free time this weekend, what would you like to do?"
Also me: "Well I could x, y, or z..."
Me: "Maybe."
Also me: "What would I wear? Do I want to do that by myself? Who would go with me? How far is it? Is it worth that long of a drive? I really can't spend all day doing it because I have a, b, and c to accomplish too. I don't think it will be too expensive, but the weather could interfere. What about lunch? Who will get the kiddo to work? Shoot. Those pants don't fit anymore!"
Me: "Yeah, just stay home. Maybe next weekend it will work out..."

I thanked my sister for asking me to go this weekend because that alone was enough to clear the hurdle. "You want to go. What time? I'll be ready!" I threw on 3 layers of comfortable clothes, plunked a hat on my head, asked my husband if he could get the kiddo to work and grabbed a bottle of water as I headed out the door. But when it's just me I'm thinking about, I allow the internal dialogue to rob me of beautiful, life-giving, joy-filled activities.

Enough is enough. Thinking it through brought me back to a familiar space. A fight has been going on in that space for as long as I can remember. It's a fight to remain present in my walk with the One that loves me best. I'm not even kidding, there is an MMA ring in that space! I win a few rounds in the ring and then I loose a few rounds. The wrestling, kicking and punching leaves me utterly exhausted. Then I forget that the ring exists altogether and I wonder why my heart is listless and discontent and quiet.

I tend to look to the "care and feeding" of everyone around me. I'm good at it. Efficient even and I can do it for a lot of people. God wired me that way and it genuinely brings me great joy, but man does my attitude sour and my perspective warp if I don't look after the tending of my own heart.

That's the season I've been in. I forgot about that fight. God in His grace gave me a walk in the woods to remind me.

So what does it look to move into the momentum I need to tend my heart and clear those mental hurdles without another person inviting me into a life-giving activity?

The process looks something like this:
Me: "You've got some free time this weekend, what would you like to do?"
Then I pause long enough to be present and wait for the Spirit's whisper...
Also me (without hesitation or question): "Get on Ziva (my bike) and go for a long ride."
the whisper comes..."Let's do it."

That's it. No more questions.


"And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart."
Ezekiel 36:26 NLT