Just A Car...

My husband and I had our first difficult conversation about my car when I took it in for a little work. The service person came out to talk with me about the check-up and let me know I needed about $7000 worth of work done! I called my husband crying. I wasn’t even sure why I was crying, but I knew $7000 wasn’t going into the car even if we had it. No repairs were urgently needed and as I headed home I began to examine my response to the idea I would be parted from this car. I was really shaken about my own response about a car and my husband teased me about that attachment.

That was probably around six years ago and for a long while now, my husband has been “encouraging” me pretty regularly to consider purchasing a newer vehicle. I’ve been dragging my feet about it. Having no car payment is really nice and there are a lot of factors to consider when looking at cars to purchase. It can be overwhelming to start looking.

I have a 2005 Honda Pilot. The air conditioning hasn’t worked for about 3 years now. Of course, summer is the only time I really notice it. Additionally, I’m guessing a chunk of yuck broke free from the cabin filter and now if the fan is running you can hardly hear yourself think for the racket it makes. The good thing about the air conditioner not working is that I only have to listen to the blower racket about 5 to 6 months out of the year when I need the heat running. Of course, in order to keep cool in summer, I just roll the windows down and that’s rather loud as well.

I had my Dad advising me closely when I bought the 2005 Honda Pilot...in 2005. He’s keen on technology, Dad is. Told me to make sure I got “that bluetooth” in any vehicle I purchased. Bluetooth was just becoming available in newer, standard model vehicles. In 2005, the only vehicle on the Honda line with bluetooth was Civic. I wasn’t buying a Civic for multiple 5 hour, one-way drives to my parents in the frozen northern tundra of Minnesota with 2 little girls. I wanted something sturdy with all-wheel or 4-wheel drive. I wasn’t going to try to pack future friends of my growing up girls into a Civic either. I passed on bluetooth. Really, speakerphone is just fine unless you have a blower running so loudly you can’t hear anyone and they can’t hear you. Or maybe the windows are rolled down so you can at least get some breeze over the sweat on your arms for relief from the heat. In either case you don’t really care to be talking with someone. You crank the radio loud and listen to some music. The 2005 Honda Pilot has a good enough sound system to do that.

Fixing the tire on a Montana backroad. So many adventures.

Right now, that Pilot has over 220,000 miles on it, but I know that it will go to 300,000 and I considered that carefully before I made the purchase. Let me tell you, it was a monumental decision and I agonized over making it a good one, but not for the reasons you might think.

When I left my first husband in October of 2004, I no longer had card access or passwords to any of our bank accounts. My name wasn’t on any assets and I didn’t have a credit card in my name. I had no credit.

Then he was gone.

I had to make choices for myself and my girls. Financing a vehicle wasn’t only a foundational decision for future financial health, it was the first major financial decision I’d made on my own in quite some time. Throughout the process I felt the weight of the responsibility and the determination to value the freedom of it. I weighed what was needed in a vehicle. Reliability was priority one. I remember calculating how long I would need to drive a brand new car to make the year-by-year cost reasonable. I thought about maintenance costs and mpg and what features I would really need to have for the life of the car. I made my decision and have found myself praying and praising behind the wheel often for that car and it’s reliability and God’s faithfulness to me in so many ways over the years since its purchase. It has taken us back and forth across the state for visits to grandparents and summer camps. It’s driven me and my bike and equipment out of the city for training rides and for triathlons. It’s taken our family on memory-making trips camping and adventuring.

My husband and I began to seriously look at newer vehicles in the last few months and I had to examine more deeply the growing hesitation I was experiencing. I knew driving that car as long as I did contributed to the financial health of our family. Was that it? Did I somehow believe that making that decision to purchase a newer, more reliable vehicle would ruin our financial health? It wouldn’t. No. We knew what we could afford and were in agreement about it. Could it be that I was really that emotionally attached to a car because it had been my first really big independent financial decision? I’m sure that might be part of it, but I wanted to step out of the past and had done that with so many things that I had a hard time believing it to be that entirely. I continued to pray that the Lord would show me what was left to let go.

My husband had begun looking for vehicles pretty much the second I said I thought we should start seriously looking. We talked about it for weeks. Teslas and Subarus and Toyotas and Hondas. Towing capacity, mileage and maintenance and repair costs. After all the discussion and number crunching, he arranged for a pre-owned Honda Pilot to be brought to our door for a test drive. Yep. Another Pilot. It ended up being exactly what we were looking for….and then some.

We were literally on our way to the dealership to sign papers the next day and I was still trying to sort out my feelings around all of it. As we talked about the anxious knot in my stomach, the tears began to flow as I recognized what that last tether was tying me to the 2005 Honda Pilot. The 2005 Honda Pilot was MINE. It was registered to me. The title was in my name. During the short time we had dated we discussed finances and our considerations about what would be healthy for our relationship. WE made financial decisions together. The paperwork and financing for this newer vehicle would list both of us. That was what had me all knotted up. How would he respond if I didn’t keep it as tidy as he would like? I already knew his view of how I run the gas gauge down to empty all the time before filling the tank on the 2005 Honda Pilot. (Not favorable.) What would the consequences be if he didn’t like how I adjusted things for my comfort and convenience? I began to share this with him. Mind you, we share things all the time! Really, even decadent desserts. I consider his preferences and he considers mine. It’s likely why he suggested another Honda Pilot! Even as we discussed it he offered to put the vehicle in my name out of his care for me.

I declined immediately.

I took a deep breath, wiped away the tears clinging to my cheeks and made a conscious choice to trust. Again. I take very much for granted this man’s kindness and tender care of me. God’s grace allowed me to step into a space that I haven’t needed to be in for a long time. It’s a difficult space to bring your baggage into. You must set it down in order to take full deep breaths, to embrace the abundance that the Holy Spirit bestows while you are there.

Then, before you know it, you are stepping forward and you’ve left the baggage behind while running toward the next adventure with the One that loves you best and most. An adventure that seems to include me finding myself praying and praising behind the wheel of a 2015 Honda Pilot.

This is Betty. Betty White.