That dress. There's a story there. There was a reason I HAD to have red on my wedding dress and it had nothing to do with fashion.
When Greg and I began to talk marriage my heart and mind began to process the story that God was telling in all of this.
There is always a story.
Every day, each sticky situation, delightful moment, beautiful sky, flash of anger or aggravation, restful breath, predicament of hilarity, gentle breeze and every Aweha moment are part of a larger story.
Approximately 2 years into my widowed/single momming life I took a trip, on my own, to the majestic mountains of Colorado for the Ransomed Heart Captivating Retreat. I was seeking some refreshment and renewal for my hungry, weary being and while God certainly granted me that, a zinger shot me straight through during one of the teaching sessions and left me a quite shaken. Loud and clearly, I'd received the message of just how sloppy, complicated, hard-headed, imperfect and ill-spoken I was. (Still am, really.)
And because I'd surrendered my life to Him...
He was gonna use it...
Use me.
*gulp*
It wasn't the first time I'd heard that, but for some reason it really hit me hard in that moment. I suddenly understood just how little this earthly journey had to do with me and all my own sinfulness, silliness and inadequacy and how much more it was about Him and what He had to say in the story He desired to tell with my life.
He's telling the story. I have a role to play in my daily living and breathing. It's the role of Redeemed.
This role doesn't call for a perfect body or a perfect face. It allows me to be a regular girl with all my faults and beauty. I don't need to be someone important or to be known by many or to accomplish herculean things. I'm free to encourage or be encouraged by a coffee chat or morning walk and to invite others into my messy home to do life with me. I'm free to be a hard worker at a regular job where I love on the people around me as God allows because He's the biggest boss of all. I can move in and out of opportunities to serve as God calls me and don't need to worry that I don't know my defined purpose or path beyond the dirt my feet are on right now. I can step away from the press of "I should..." and into the freedom of "I'm called to..." without care for what others think. I can ask questions without needing an answer and I can offer an answer when asked "why?" about my experience in this role and the story I'm in, but I also don't need to have every single answer.
And He uses me all the time. When I misspeak and misstep. When I have to apologize for either of those. When I'm less than thrilled about it. And when I'm undeniably inspired and led by the Spirit.
And that wedding dress tells the story beyond the wedding day and the marriage, the children and life's challenges.
The story of an average girl that desperately searched for HER purpose in life. A broken girl that was tossed about by the usual challenges of growing into womanhood in a broken world. A goody-two-shoes, rule-following girl that couldn't follow the rules well enough to make her life go as she wanted it to go and then began to accept that it wouldn't even if she could! A girl that loved the idea of Jesus but didn't understand just who and how much He was until she gave all of her plans and efforts to Him.
The story of continuing second chances at becoming who I was called to be. Free. Abandoned, abundant, alive.
The Story brought me to that wedding celebration and that's the story the dress tells. That's the story my life tells, I hope. The Story of Redemption.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.
I came that they may have life and have it more abundantly."
John 10:10