And They Lived Happily Ever After...

A few things have happened since my last post…I’ll pick up on my triathloning adventures and challenges again soon.

Shortly before I posted it, I met a man.

Actually, I was friended by a man…on facebook.

Creepy sounding, I know.

It would have been completely creepy if I didn’t discover just how many friends we had in common and that one of them had given him my name. Of course neither of us knew that we had 3 sets of common friends that had been praying we'd spend some time getting to know one another. They had even tried to orchestrate a chance meeting at a SuperBowl party earlier that year.

His name is Greg Stoesz. *sigh*

We attend the same church and had for the last 8 years or so. Nope. We’d never met.

If I had to guess, I’d say that more than 100 of the 456 wedding invitations we sent out were sent to people that we both knew! That’s right, WEDDING INVITATIONS!!!

But wait, I’m getting ahead of myself.

I’d spent about 6 months on eharmony. Think what you will. My dearest friend told me she thought it was time and that made me pause. After shedding a few tears and admitting that I was afraid of being hurt, I surrendered to the idea that God might have more for me. I desired to share my life with someone and wondered if that might be where God had someone waiting.

I “dated” a couple men. Mind you, I loathe the term and never used it when explaining to my daughters how I was spending evenings out. Dating has connotations in our society that I’d rather not have them associate with how I was getting to know anyone. I learned a lot about myself, the healing I'd done and how firm my convictions were about what the right man would be like.

But, sometime in March I found myself in a fervent discussion with the Lord. He was asking me once again if I really believed who He said He was to me. Did I really believe that if I made it to the end of my life on this earth with no man beside me that I would experience the fullness of the life He had for me here?

Yes. Of course I did. I really did. I laid down my desires once again. What a tricky business it is to hold our God given desires loosely. To hope for them and to wait.

He reminded me to stop looking so far into the future and to trust Him with the next year. I pressed needily into the Lord for something to move into and to utilize my hopeful energy and He put some projects on my heart.

And so I was content to focus on those things.

And then Greg friended me at the end of May.

I told him during our first phone conversation that I was interested only in friendship. I had other things I needed to be focusing on right now. I made certain he got the message.

In my heart was a genuine desire to honor His request as a Christian brother. He stepped forward in a very vulnerable way to make his request, and I didn’t really know enough about him to just reject him out of hand. I’d been doing some scripture reading recently about what respecting my Christian brothers looks like. I figured I’d need to understand better what “respect” looks like for a good marriage.

We made a coffee date for more than a week away. Very casual.

June 2nd we met at a coffee shop and didn't drink any coffee, though we talked comfortably for 3 hours. Greg was way hotter in person than in his pictures and much smaller. He’s still a big guy, but he’d lost some weight on his own quest for better health some time before he met me. I will never forget that first time I saw him. My heart jumped in my chest in a way it hadn't for quite some time. I told myself to stay calm.

He demonstrated a gentle spirit and a direct manner during our interaction that I found very attractive. Our conversation ranged over a variety of topics and we saw eye-to-eye on each one, including the fact that he’d been divorced. He was completely direct about the circumstances and wanted to know where I stood theologically. “Would that be a problem for us?”, he asked. “No,” I told him. “I believe God’s grace covers all sin.” He was playful and respectful of my space and looked me in the eye the entire time.

I left that night kicking myself for telling him the “only friendship” thing. But tried to rest in the idea that God had safeguarded my heart with that statement. I tried not to panic as I examined how easily I could fall for him. I had to remind myself to breathe.

I didn’t want to get hurt after putting myself out there enough to know if he’d be good for me. God reminded me to focus and be who He called me to be and not try to figure it out. “Let Me lead”, He said. “Learn how to walk with me in this place.”

There was another phone call, and a facebook message. He wanted to see me again. He wanted to honor my call to focus on the things I needed to do, but was honest about his desire to see how deep a friendship would take us.

He offered to take me out for a Mexican meal and I had to refuse. I had a race two weeks away. I countered with the offer of a walk at a local park, very bold for me, practicing putting myself first. Doing what I needed to do.

As I considered what our evening might look like I began to pray in earnest. “Lord, please just help me know. I don’t want to interrogate anymore men. I don’t want to waste time. Help me to see if your hand is in this.”

June 9th we went for a walk and as this exceptional man walked alongside me, expressing his thoughts and prayerfulness about the future of our relationship. He answered any question I could have thought to ask exactly as he should have...

and I never had to ask the questions!

He told me of his conviction that it was his responsibility to as a man to step into vulnerability first and risk being hurt. He wanted more than friendship and he felt led to reveal that to me without playing at friendship and being inauthentic. He then told me that he believed that physical intimacy should WAIT. FOR. MARRIAGE. He realized that might be a forward thing to talk about but felt the Holy Spirit prompting him to be very forthcoming about it. This was our second "date".

We continued along on our walk through the park chatting and getting to know one another more.

We came to a bench along the water and sat down to admire the lake view and chat some more. He told me how cute he thought I was in my hat.

It was in that moment that I had one of a handful of visions I've had in my lifetime.

I watched as the Lord unlocked a treasure chest and dumped it's contents at my feet. "This is it," He said. "It's what you've asked for and more. Take it. I love you."

The next week we went out for dinner and for another walk. Our 3rd "date". We began to talk of marriage and joining our households and what that would look like.

He then asked if we could sit together in church. Oh. My. Stars. That was big. That would be public. Only a small handful of people knew we were exploring relationship together. Were we ready for the scrutiny? I hadn't even introduced him to the girls yet! We were talking marriage. "Well," I told him, "I sit toward the front." (I knew he was more of a back row sitter!) "That's fine." he replied.

When we stood for worship he asked if he could hold my hand when we prayed and he never let go.

Now, we were quite unaware of the stir we were causing in the pews behind us. Everything I've heard from others about that day leads me to believe not many people paid attention to the sermon. I felt kind of bad about that! Folks from my Sunday School class were texting each other trying to figure out who Greg was. First it was speculated that it might be my brother that was visiting, then we were observed holding hands and the seeking for answers ranged out of the class to others who may know more. Following service we were pounced upon by delightfully smiling, protective friends waiting to be introduced. After service, people did their homework finding out as much as they could about whichever of us they did not know previously.

I think it was decided that we'd be ok to figure this out.